And yet, one more song that I had initially written all those years ago for The New Era band back in Long Island, NY. Here, I took the original demo of the track and reworked it and edited and developed further some of the lyrics into something that I had originally envisioned when I first wrote it...
“Question In My Mind” is a driving soul-searching pop/rock anthem that traces the emotional contours of doubt, longing, and quiet resilience. With introspective verses and a chorus that lifts into cinematic tension, the song explores what it means to search for truth in a world clouded by silence and uncertainty. Anchored by expressive vocals, ambient guitar textures, and a subtle R&B undercurrent, the track moves through lyrical landscapes of haze, war, and light - each stanza revealing a deeper layer of emotional vulnerability. The final chorus modulates upward, signaling a shift in emotional gravity, followed by a dual guitar harmony solo that brings resolution without closure - a sonic embodiment of the question that remains. “Question In My Mind” is both personal and universal, a reflection on the quiet battles we fight to find meaning, connection, and clarity in the noise. In fact, it was re-designed through a pretty dark period, so that definitely comes through in the remix, I would rather reluctantly have to say, because of the somewhat personal nature of it and all. (Including the betrayal I am aware of by someone who considered himself a friend, that I always suspected had a deeply malevolent side to him, and some kind of delusional unfounded resentment towards me. From Long Island. There was allot going on there when I had left. Including what I later found out was the story of the bizarre Gilgo Beach serial murders, so it seems. Made ME wonder. I mention this because, if he saw the "dark period" comment in the notes here, yea). But anyway, by using the potential of the song (that I always felt it had) to express oneself in different and creative ways, which a track like this seems to particularly lend itself to, I finally went back and reworked it. (Its like therapy, in a way).
The recording, channels emotional tension through kinetic rhythm and soaring melodic hooks. With pulsing guitars, layered synths, and a vocal performance that balances vulnerability with urgency, the track captures the restless search for clarity in a world clouded by doubt.
The lyrics unfold like a journey — from existential questioning to flashes of hope and emotional reckoning. Each chorus hits with cathartic force, while the verses simmer with introspective grit.
A dual guitar harmony solo near the end adds a cinematic lift, echoing the song’s central theme: the struggle to break through silence and find meaning in the noise.
Ultimately (and to sum it all up) what mainly inspired me to go back and look at the song (besides the potential I always felt it had, if I can be frank) was a recent (and surprisingly unexpected but welcomed) dream of my father Richard (may God rest his soul). He seemed to be dressed in white and had a glow about him like an alabaster jar. (He was a REALLY good man). Hence, the part in the lyrics: “There's a light when you appear.” Amazon Music
I know the thing in the parenthesis here seems kind of out of place, but the person I mentioned was someone who like deliberately held these unfounded delusional grudges and all. (I could like feel his malice. It's just the way I am, I can't help it). But I remember, it would like fester inside of him and eat at him. He was a pretty sick boy that I am somewhat concerned about, because he was always strange a/f to begin with, and seems to have gotten worse over the years. And I strongly believe it also means something deeper is going on. Yet, I had always wanted to be wrong about him, because that is how I am by nature (I am not like him, but communicating with certain people on a personal level can be a huge downer when you start to realize, yea, not a good idea). And ya know, you turn your right cheek, you turn your left cheek, you turn your ass cheeks, and then there is just no more cheeks left to turn. And as crazy as he was, I never really considered him like, dangerous, but I think I do now. (It's like a negative obsession type thing, but I know it goes even deeper then that). Just needed to get this off my chest I guess. (But also don't want to give him the satisfaction of absorbing my attention to even strike a response).Unfortunately, Long Island had taken a deep turn for the worst over the years, and I guess became like an example of do not do this, if you do not want to become like this, in more ways then one. (In fact, it is the place where everything had begun, really. I know what I mean). I have a friend there who pays over $15,000 a year just in property taxes! Their out of their freakin' minds, and definitely corrupt. (I mean, come on?) And you had a strong organized crime presence there to begin with, and that crosses state lines (and that seemed to also get worse over time) to the best of my knowledge. Deeply psychotic individuals, who like to influence (as well as intimidate) others (like themselves) in very negative ways. The Gilgo Beach serial murders was like a reflection (and result) of all these things, and some pretty sick minds. (In fact, I strongly believe till this day that it is some kind of dark human trafficking ring that also crosses state lines). Everything is relative. But still deeply fond memories there that I will never forget as well. (It became a trade-off, when I felt it was definitely time to look elsewhere. Although, I also knew what I would be facing with some things still unresolved). As far as the gentleman I mentioned (and keep in mind I haven't mentioned any names here, but the subject matter still all remains in line with the Question In My Mind theme) I will never forget when we were kids and in High School, he pointed to some anti-abortion signs posted on some of the utility polls in town, and said it was his father that posted them, and that he was crazy. (And was the reason why his mother divorced him). Might have even been in a mental institution, if I'm not mistaken. I see the same thing in this guy now. (Its funny how you remember these things when you have to, and make a valid assessment of things). Imagine that? Like he doesn't even realize it? That he is exactly like his father now? (Incredible). In fact, he's a Trumper now. Hmm? You see, these type of people WANT chaos. Its a way to cover up things. And Trump is as mentally disturbed (and evil) as they come. And definitely in some kind of obvious mental decline himself. (I mean, from what I understand, there was dementia in his family on both sides!) And he also has become worse over time. In fact, I'm sure they know how a fascist Frankenstein monster like him actually got elected in the first place. (If you know what I mean?) I mean, he's like a (Jim Jones) cult to begin with. Our country was going in this negative direction for quite some time now. At least since the Bush administration, when our leaders did not hold those guys accountable and all (although much of the world did, and considers Bush and Cheney for instance, to be war criminals, who if they were to step anywhere on their soil they would actually be arrested!) But I'm not even gonna go there. Really feel bad that I have to mention that at all, but for the sincerely good people of the younger generation who may be wondering, “what the hell is going on?” And who are smart enough to at least know not to attack the messenger, well, I guess there it is. (And lets face it, our leaders set the tone). All, way too negative. Just had to get this off my chest here. But I also realize there are some VERY bad individuals in relation to these things. Just something that hit me all of a sudden, like having that Allison DuBois moment, if you will. And I guess it made me kind of angry inside. (It was that bad). I know what I mean. And I really didn't want to go there. I really want to leave it all behind me, because they're just not worth it. And definitely do not want to sink to someone like that's level…
Oh yea, by the way (for documentation sake, if nothing else) I still cannot get over the fact of how much this guy (I mentioned) reminds me of George Santos, who is also from Long Island. As they look almost EXACTLY like each other! Hmm? (I just had to mention that, because it just blew my mind when I would watch this guy on TV and all, and when all this bizarre sh*t started to come out about him; and as I noticed and picked up on his own really strange behavior. Just couldn't get over it). That a politician like him can even make it to Congress, is really disturbing in itself. In fact, it kinda' reminded me of that flick: Boiler Room, which from what I understand, was not only based on a true story, but also allegedly took place on Long Island as well. Yea, they had allot of that there from what I remember, especially later on, after most of the manufacturing (and Defense Contractors) started to leave the place. (President of Grumman was arrested, etc.) I don't know, just couldn't resist mentioning that, man. “Hey, sell this!” Wow. That's it, I'm done…
Well, maybe one last thing…
Okay, on a much lighter note, and keeping with the theme of the ‘Question In My Mind’ blog post here, this is a picture taken back in the house I rented in Maryland some time ago already. (This was a somewhat random picture, testing out the camera, that I was initially just going to delete but decided to save for a reason). See the pinkish like thing that looks something like a towel seemingly hanging from the door there? Well, the thing is, there was no such thing hanging from the door there. It would be impossible. There was nothing for it to hang on! Could it have been just been some kind of glitch with the camera? Maybe. But it always did fascinate me for more reasons then one. I mean, the first thing that came to my mind, was that it kinda' looks like an angel's wing or somethin'. The second thing that came to my mind was Falkor, the flying Luck Dragon from the brilliant kids flick ‘The Never Ending Story’. Or a cross between the two. I don't know. I have read things that were somewhat similar to this, when someone took a picture and something showed up in the photo that wasn't there before, that they felt was like a sign of protection or hope, or some kind of sign of encouragement that was needed at the time, or something like that. I don't know, really. But just couldn't resist including this here. For me, if nothing else. (If it speaks to someone else in a positive way, even better). Made ME think, anyway. And I tell ya, it did (in its own way) give me some sense of peace and reassurance. (And I'm a sensible person by nature). But, take it for what it is worth. Because, either way, I just did not want to leave on such a negative note; but something deeper…
And it definitely left a ‘question in my mind’…
